Rage Against the Machine Fact Week: Day 4

It's day four, and what better way to celebrate America's most delusional band than with a fun fact and a music video!

FACT #4:Rage Against the Machine voice revolutionary viewpoints highly critical of the domestic and foreign policies of the U.S. government.

Have I shown this video already? It's hard for me to keep track because all their songs are so boring.

Rollerworld Teaser Trailer

I only need 19,000,900 dollars more to finish this movie.

Almost Dead

I'm writing a script for Steven Segal called Almost Dead.

The tagline is this:
"They thought he was dead.
But he was only almost dead."

Kitties Meowing

Outside my window, I can hear two precious little kitties meowing. Their voices are so soft and delicate, it's like they're whispering to me, "Heeeeelp? heeeelp?"

Does anyone have a shotgun they can lend me?

Prison Politics

I'm thinking about starting a new blog called Prison Politics. I will write it as Gary Glitter, a man convicted of arson who also unfortunately shares the same name as arena rocker/child stalker Gary Glitter. IT will be his forum to vent his frustrations, such as:
The Shifty Warden
the Cafeteria
roommate conflict
his struggle to break out of prison
The portrayal of Prison on the show Prison Break

Rage Against the Machine Fact Week: Day 3

FACT 3: The group's music is distinguished primarily by de la Rocha's rhyming styles and powerful stage energy, and Morello's unorthodox guitar techniques.

Comic Con: Wolverine

I've been reading about Hugh Jackman's appearance at Comic Con, and something struck me: if you changed Hugh Jackman to Jesus, and Len Wein to God, the arrticles actually make more sense.

It didn't take long for the first surprise of the Con! Just after the MAX PAYNE and THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL panels wrapped, the stage went empty until a special guest walked in off the side of the stage. "Ladies and gentlemen, JESUS CHRIST."

I've seen a lot of craziness in Hall H in my time but I don't think I've ever seen anything like this before. Bedlam. Absolute bedlam. The crowd just went completely insane. Grown women weeping. Men rushing the stage. It took a good five minutes for everyone to calm down before JESUS could even speak. Finally JESUS said he just got off a flight from Australia but that there was no way he was missing Comic-Con this year. JESUS said he wanted to pay homage to the creator of JESUS, GOD, who was in the audience. It was at this point JESUS decided he wanted to come down into the Hall H crowd.


Security wasn't prepared and JESUS was mobbed prompting him to later admit that "maybe that wasn't such a great idea." But JESUS was able to come down and shake GOD's hand and high-five a few people in the audience. Once back on stage JESUS apologized for not having a full panel.

It's still early to call it the best of the Con, but I can't imagine anything approaching the fever pitch in Hall H when CHRIST came out and screened the footage. Unfortunately I don't see an official version coming online soon but man was it good!

Rage Against the Machine Fact Week: Day 2

FACT #2: Rage Against the Machine is noted for its blend of rap, heavy metal, and funk.

Rage Against the Machine Fact Week: Day 1

This week is Rage Against the Machine Fact Week. Each day will be celebrated with a RATM fact and an accompanying music video.

WEDNESDAY FACT: Rage Against the Machine is an American rock band.

MOTHFIGHT! & Other Things That Achieve Super Awesome-ity

Mothfight is super awesome.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is also super awesome.
La Taqueria is super awesome.
Nude pictures of celebrities are super awesome.
the new Deerhunter album is super awesome.
My brother is super awesome.
Oreos are super awesome.
Human giant is super awesome.
Dr. Horrible's Sing A Long Blog is super awesome.
Toy Story is super awesome.
The licorice I keep in my car is super awesome.
Jeph Loeb is super awesome.
Y The Last Man is super awesome.
This one time I hooked up with a volleyball player was super awesome.

Dear David Gray

Dear David Gray,
Dear David Gray,
When you sing "Let go of your heart, let go of your head" on your wonderful song "Babylon", you don't know how badly I want to say back to you, "Okay."

I also want you to know that when you sing "for crying out loud...", I think to myself,
"exactly!"

Thank you for writing anthems for people who are afraid to yell.

Mustaches

I know this girl who dates this guy who has a mustache. He's about two years older than her. It makes him look like he's four years older than her. It also makes him look like a guy who has a collection of naked pictures that makes him cry when he looks at them. I also think he: masturbates a lot, begs her to videotape them having sex, enjoys going to farmers markets, and has tasted his own sweat.

5 Ideas For Future National Treasure Sequels

1. Nick Cage finds a treasure map for the fountain of youth which turns out to be...inside Mount Rushmore!
2. Apparently, there is a map to a pile of treasure. Unfortunately...it's in the coat pocket of the jacket George Washington wore...when he died!
3. Something involving Bald Eagles.
4. Turns out, The White House is a space ship that can fly to the moon!
5. something american...historical...related to america...uhhhhh.........fuck.....the Emancipation Proclamation is a treasure map to...a magical island..filed with gold...but it's run by Leprechauns...who are also Nazis.

Second Hand Luke

Here's the problem with Anti-Smoking PSAs: they're setting their sights to high*. Getting kids to stop smoking is an uphill battle. Face it, they've been fighting it for, I don't know, at least 18 years, and while I don't know the statistics to back up the fact that more kids are smoking, I'm pretty sure such statistics exist. And if you're wondering what kind of credentials give me the right to act like I know everything about statistics, I got a 4 on the AP Stat test. So YEA, I do know everything about Statistics.

Getting kids to stay away from cigarettes and weed is a long term war, a war where the same battle is being refought endlessly. And unfortunately for America, that particular Battle is the epic/final/'it all comes down to this'/showdown/winner takes all battle of America vs Smoking. We lose everytime, and everytime Smoking says, "Come on, I'll give you another shot."

But instead of trying so hard to win this particular battle, we need to fight other battles first. Get a few notches on our belts. Start small and work our way up to the Final Showdown. I mean, it's the final fucking showdown! They wouldn't call it Final if you were supposed to start off with it!

In order to get kids to quit smoking, we need to convince them that second hand smoke is cool. Really cool. Anyone who has seen an episode or two of Twin Peaks will tell you how cool it looks. We get so mystified seeing Audrey Horne lighting up...but how awesome does Dale Cooper look sitting next to her? Doesn't he just look like a badass? You totally know he can smell that smoke.

Sadly, most films and television series tend to cut away from the second hand smoker and focus on the first hand smoker. Audiences have been forced to wonder what awesomeness eludes them for so long, it's as if they no longer care.

Luckily, I've written a screenplay that will change that. It's called Second Hand Luke. Luke is a rebel with an agenda: look after his and only his interests. We open on Luke's smoking hot girlfriend...SMOKING! We slowly move in onto her lips, as the smoke cascades through, and then slowly, pan over to Luke, a true bad ass, standing there, breathing it all in, and avoiding all the serious consequences his smoking hot girlfriend will face later in life, such as Emphysema, Lung Cancer and Bad teeth.

I'm not going to lie, the plot to Second Hand Luke is pretty insignificant. It's downright awful, it's meandering and aimless at the same time, etc, etc. But here's the genius of it: that doesn't matter. Second Hand Luke is a propaganda film. We're not trying to make a great film here; we're trying to get kids to start hanging out with other kids who smoke.

Here's how it works:
a. Sean smokes
b. Tom and Dick start hanging out with Sean
c. Sean gets tired of being the least cool kid in his pack of friends
d. Sean starts hanging out with David
e. David gets tired of being the least cool kid in his pack of friends

And so it goes, until eventually no one smokes.

I think that would work. That is not to say I've actually thought about it. I guess it could work is probably the proper thing to say.

*is this a pun?

Satanic Text Messages

From: Satan 6:42 PM 7/11/08
"Yo what up?"

From: Satan 6:52 PM 7/11/08
"Chillin wit Chris. What u doin tonight?"

From: Satan 6:59 PM 7/11/08
"Wanna see Hancock?"

From: Satan 4:23 PM 7/12/08
"Hey"

From: Satan 4:41 PM 7/12/08
"you there?"

From: Satan 4:49 PM 7/12/08
"What are you doing tonight?"

From: Satan 5:13 PM 7/12/08
"Do you wanna see Hancock tonight? I already saw it wit Chris but its good, I wanna see it twice. Especially wit u :)"

From: Satan 6:33 PM 7/12/08
"Oh No worries. Sucks that you cant come :(. That sounds like fun though, wish I could be a part of that :)"

From: Satan 6:35 PM 7/12/08
"Oh no I wasn't implying anything. Nah, it would be weird if I came to your sisters Bat Mitzfah. Still sounds like fun though"

From: Satan 8:23 PM 7/12/08
"Hancock is better the second time"

From: Satan 8:24 PM 7/12/08
"Id still be down to see it with you a 3rd time tho :)"

From: Satan 8:33 PM 7/12/08
"Really? Oh, yea, you should totally see it with your family. They'll love it."

From: Satan 3:30 PM 7/13/08
"Did u like Hancock?"

From: Satan 3:38 PM 7/13/08
"really? Huh. I guess, I liked it though."

From: Satan 3:42 PM 7/13/08
"Maybe u'd like it better a second time ;)"

From: Satan 3:45 PM 7/13/08
"oh. Well...yea fine."

From: Satan 3:50 PM 7/13/08
"What's your deal Beth? You think just because Hell hath no fury I won't get...forget it. Forget u."

Dashboard Confessional

The tragedy of Dashboard Confessional:
You have to be inhuman not to cry listening to Dashboard Confessional
You have to be really stupid for it to be socially accepted that you listen to Dashboard Confessional

Oh, if only I weren't so hung up about people respecting me and thinking I'm smart.



and o god, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7itHHrTty0 "Screaming Infidelities"? Does it get prettier? Sadder? Realer?

"Hey wait a minute, you're writing a blog about them. Doesn't that mean you're admitting to liking them, and therefore retarded?"
Yes.

Things I Think About at 2:55 AM

"If I use the Final Cut Crop tool, I COULD make a video of me having sex with myself!"

New Crush

I like someone I don't really know too well. I feel like a new gum, waiting to be accepted by the American Dental Association.

Reasons Why I Can Relate to Tom Hanks' Character in Sleepless in Seattle

1. I used to live near Seattle
2. I've always suspected I might have a precocious 8 year old son.
3. I too find Meg Ryan attractive.
4. I doubt I would be able to get over the death of my wife.
5. I often have trouble sleeping.

My Mom on Tokyo Story

MOM: What else do you have to watch?
ME: The Conformist, Tokyo Story. You probably won't want to watch that one. It's about parents who visit their kids but their kids don't want to see them.
MOM: It's not my story. Fiction. I can enjoy it for what it is. Fiction.

100 Ideas For Sit-Coms Involving Two Roommates Pt. 1

1. A black guy and a white guy share an apartment in New York. But as the series goes on, we learn that they might actually be living in New Jersey.
2. A Yale English Literature graduate moves into an apartment with his best friend, a Physics Major. Little does he know that not only is his roommate an evil scientist, but that he is the subject of his roommates experiments!
3. A former Egyptian prince wakes up in his pyramid. He has been dead for 2000 years. He has only one thing on his mind: poon tang. The prince moves to Manhattan, only to find that, though he was rich in his day, exchange rates and inflation have left his fortune practically obsolete. He must get a job as a dish washer, where he meets his roommate, an ex drug addict starting fresh. It's about...dealing with...ummm....accepting the present? Forgetting the past? Moving on? Something like that.
4.. A black guy moves into an apartment in a prestigious and predominately white neighborhood with his girlfriend, the white daughter of the CEO of a major corporation. Racism ensues.
5. Two Jewish guys move to a small town in the deep south. They are there to investigate the murder of a girl. They must pretend to be Protestant in order to survive. Religious Persecution ensues.
6. Two men are hospitalized due to SARS. While they are asleep, everyone else flee. They wake up and realize they are the only remaining people left in town...that is, until the ghosts of their dead fathers show up!
7. A husband and wife living in Seattle move in together, only to realize they are brother and sister. Incest ensues.
8. A man lives with a goat in Boston. One day, the goat starts speaking english; the next, speaks of the approaching Apocalypse. At first the man is convinced he is crazy. But when little things the goat says start coming true...the Apocalypse may not be so whack after all. If there is any hope left in this world...it's a goat.
9. An old man learns he will die in four years. He decides to go to college. He lives with a hip black guy. A reserved Asian guy lives next door.
10. Two Zombies grow tired of hunting for brains and decide to start a chain of coffee bars.

Paul Mccartney's "Dance Tonight"

Paul McCartney used a new songwriting technique for this song. It's called writing an entire song around the first phrase that came to his mind. It was invented by John Mayer.

Soulja Boy (its late but fuck it)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpocrqvP2Yg&feature=rec-fresh

All this time I've been concerned with rapping about my world view and political commentaries. Why didn't anybody tell me I could just rap about my name!!!!

My Chemical Romance

This is actually really awesome! I don't care if it's hip to hate them, this song is super great. I finally realize that kids like us CAN win!

Snatch the Tarrot Card Reading Vagina

I had this idea for a web series. It would be a talk show with Snatch the Tarrot Card Reading Vagina. Each episode, viewers would call in and discuss problems they are having. Then Snatch the Tarrot Card Reading Vagina would read some tarrot cards and see what fate held for the viewers. Oh and obviously, Snatch the Tarrot Card Reading Vagina would have a mohawk.

Tha Carter 3 Promo 4 w/Marcus Rubio