Things Which Are Whimsical #1

Small dogs!



You're at a friends house,
you see something going under the table.
looks like a cat
you think, "oh no! My allergies!"
You don't want to be rude,
ask the host to take their cat outside.
but you don't want your eyes to get red.
Whow ants to sneeze every ten seconds?
And then,the little bugger pokes it's head out
and you realize,
"that's not a cat,
that's a small dog!"

I had an encounter with a small dog a while back. They are precious. Someday I plan to buy a small dog and name it just that-Precious.

New Dentist 3

I've changed my mind about my dentist. I know longer think he's an asshole. I only thought he was an asshole because I thought he would refuse to admit he made a mistake and not take full responsibility. My dentist admitted he made a mistake and agreed to take full responsibility.

"Perchance Some Poetry, Before a Fortnight"-Tom Goes to the Mayor

Today I learned that not all poetry is supposed to have a message, or even theme. Yes, all those times I thought I was dumb for missing the point-sometimes there is no point! SUCK IT LORD ALFRED TENNYSON!

Gravity's Rainbow

I really like that passage from Gravity's Rainbow that describes the guy who had a very livid sexual relationship with a woman. Like, she made him cry?

Why am I being so vague about this, is it because I dont want to spoil it for those who havent read it? Ha-no. It's the only passage, other than the first two pages, I've read of Gravity's Rainbow.

New Dentist 2

I've changed my mind about my dentist, I think he's a fucking asshole.

Sequel

I'm writing a script, it's called Juno 2: Oops I Did It Again.

Lost

Do you think the actors on Lost ever sit around the set wondering, "where the hell is this show going?"

Wizards

I'm tired of motherfucking wizards fucking everything up. Little fucking wizards, fucking around, fucking everything up. Floating around, making magic. Fuck fuck fuck. Ass fuckers is what they are. Fucking up shit here, fucking up shit there. Taking their wizard dumps and leaving wizard shit on the fucking streets I walk to school on. My own fucking street. But oh no, not just my fucking street-my fucking floor. Your fucking floor. Look to your left-what's that? That's an invisible pile of wizard shit. Bet you wish you didnt know that. Sorry. Yea I fucking appologized. Unlike a selfish fucking wizard who is grateful for nothing.

Walker Texas Ranger

I've learned two things from Walker Texas Ranger:
1) Kung Fu is always neccessary
2) Kung Fu is always awesome

Anyone who says morons contribute nothing to society has never watched Walker Texas Ranger.

New Dentist

I got a new dentist today. I like him, he's from New York. All of our between Dentist Duty banter revolved around the fact that I'm moving there. "You'll love it. As long as your rich or young. Are you rich?" "One problem with New York: all the women are gorgeous. Can you handle this?" "Remembert to tell your mother to call me tomorrow."

Drunk Dialing

Today I have come to the shocking realization that people DON'T actually like it when I call them drunk.

Honestly, all this time I have been drinking to dial, under the apparently false assumption that people like talking to me when I am drunk enough to kill myself behind the wheel of a motor vehicle.

It's not like I drunk dial that often too. If I was drunk dialing like, twice a week, I could see how that would be annoying. But I only drink about once every five or so weeks. I've been under the impression that people anticipated my calls like a minor, minor holiday of sorts. But I guess not so.

Thing is, I don't drink for myself. I drink for the community. I get drunk to tell jokes or stories that I might not have come up with sober. Not that they're any better than those my sober self, they're just different. A nice change of pace from teh regular old Dolphin.

I think I've really learned my lesson too; I think I am going to stop. Drinking that is. If I can't drink and dial at the same time I see no point to drink.

Styrofome Cars

My brother says I'm an idiot for buying a styrofome car. But we'll see who is laughing when the Great Acid Rains of 2012 destroy our beloved city, and I make millions in an out of court lawsuit against the Styrofome Car manufacturers.

Sex Scared me Shitless

I saw this video when I was 10 and it scared me. In fact, anything slightly sexy scared me. It's weird, it's not like I grew up in a Religious family. We still don't have a bible in the house. But somehow I was probably more afraid of sex than most Ministers children. And it's not like I considered sex "evil" or anything. I think it just scared me shitless.

Chemistry

All chemists know that the two most dangerous combinations are:
1. Potassium and H2O
2. Olivia Newton John and John Travolta



Randal Kleiser should have known better. You put Olivia Newton John and John Travolta in a room together, let alone on celluloid, explosions are going to happen. Curtains will be burnt. There will be burn victims.

Vanessa Hudgens

It has gotten next to impossible to find Vanessa Hudgens naked picture online. Well, I haven't tried that hard, so I guess just very hard. Maybe even just not easy.

Try entering Vanessa Hudgens nude on google image and what do you get? Irrelevant pictures of her at award shows. And every now and then, the picture! But you click full image size, and it's "Forbidden." What the hell? It was everywhere last year, and now it just disapeared?

I bet the higher ups at Disney are responsible for this. I am willing to wager that they used a hefty amount of that Dollar they are so enamored of to remove every single picture from the internet.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

I finally figured out what this song is about. The speaker, presumably a younger Pat Benetar, finds herself attracted to a guy. However, this guy is "a real tough cookie with a bad history of breaking young girls hearts". All of her friends keep telling her, 'he's no good. He takes advantage of girls and he doesn't care if he hurts them'. She's very conflicted. She knows he hasn't had the best past, but she cannot deny her strong feelings for him. So finally, she decides, "you know what, guy I like? Punch me in the face."