Jet Blue

Sometimes, how much my mom loves me surprises me. I always know she loves me, but sometimes she does things that make me think, "WOW, she really does care about me." Today is one such day.

I'm flying home for Christmas this year. Many moms buy their sons plane tickets. But how many moms fly their oldest son home in style? Not many moms are committed to having their son travel on the Rolls Royce of Commercial Airlines.

I'm talking about Jet Blue. I don't know the specifics, but I'm pretty sure it's considered the most erotic plane flight money can buy, easily the Sexiest Airline in existance. It's like Soul Plane for white people. All the flight attendants are former German fashion models. While you might spend your next flight washing your hands with old fashion water, I'll be a thousand miles high cleaning the barbeque sauce off my hands with Vodka. If that seems excessive, you obviously have no right to fly Jet Blue; frankly you're better off flying with your in-bred family of hicks on American Airlines, or maybe just Virgin Airlines, which takes Delusions of Grandeur farther than the most ridiculous passages of Don Quixote.

Yes, my mom is pretty fond of me. I plan to show her that I care just as much for her this weekend, for Mothers Day. I'm buying her an Ice Cream cake that says "Mom".