Some Hot Dogs are More Phallic Than Others

They say there is no food more phallic than hot dogs. And that's true. But what they never tell you is that some hot dogs are more phallic than others.

To prove my point, I cite these photos, taken from Bay Area hotdog phenomenon Top Dog's website.

THE TOP DOG


So obviously, pretty phallic. Definite curved tip, long and slender. However, I don't think many penis's come in colors like these (I'm proud not to know otherwise).

GRADE: PRETTY PHALLIC

THE VEGETARIAN DOG


Length and general shape wise, very phallic. But a very detailed look at this hot dog will reveal a dog covered in boils, holes and charmarks, things only the rare, sickly, severeley STD-infested man sausage would carry.

GRADE: NOT TOO PHALLIC

CALABRESE


Problem only phallic if you are a Puerto Rican man with a chode. Or go to a gym with tons of Puerto Rican guys who have chodes. Or dated a Puerto Rican man who had a chode. Or gone through of a phase of being really into Puerto Rican Porn. Or walked in on a roomate sleeping with her hot Puerto Rican boyfriend, and "accidentally" gone straight for his package to sneak a peak, only to see a shockingly underwhelming chode.

GRADE: VARIABLY PHALLIC

LEMON CHICKEN DOG


On the basis of color alone, very few hot dogs even come close to resembling the male penis as well as the Lemon Chicken dog does. Factor in the curved tip and the size (quite modest, maybe 5 inches?) and the Lemon Chicken Dog grabs it's crown as King of the Phallic Symbols.

GRADE: SUPER PHALLIC