My son and I will probably have a complicated relationship. I'll never yell at him. I'll never spank him. But don't think I'll be letting him run around the house eating wheels of cheese as he so pleases. No. He will know damn well when he has let me down.
Say my son gets a terrible report card. Some dads would yell. I will not. I will not ground him. I will not take away his computer. I will take him to a kareoke bar. I will dedicate every song "to my son, Rodney, who just got his report card." Over the course of the next three hours, I will sing songs dealing with such themes as: disapointment, falling out of love, and general loathing of others. These three hours will lead my son to realize the burdening shame being related to such a dispicable human being brings me.
If by chance we live in an uncultured part of Indiana, I will simply have to make him mixtapes that deal with these themes, and I will play them in the car as I take him to school. To further drive the point home, I will point to the stereo, and then to him.
You may find this strange. However, I feel it will not only teach him to be analytical, but will get around my fear of confratation. It will also allow me to indulge in my love of kareoke AND feel like I'm being a good parent at the same time.
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