A Brief History of the Civil War

Prior to 1865, slavery was legal in the United States, but only if the slaves were black, and only in designated states.

But in 1861, the South, where most of the designated slave states were located, was growing weary. They weren't satisfied with what they had. They wanted more than just black slaves-asian slaves, white slaves, mexican slaves, animal slaves, sea urchen slaves, etc. They were also growing frustrated with the North's refusal to believe how awesome slavery was, for numerous reasons.

So as most break ups go, the South told the North, in a manner of words, "listen jigga man, I'm tired of you ignoring my needs. If you wanna keep fucking me in the ass, you can just jerk it on your own. I'm out of here."

So the South and the North broke up. The South took being single a little crazy; it drank heavily and traded with multiple partners. The South said it was happy, but deep down inside it really missed the North.

The North was inconsolable. Its close friends-Europe, Germany, Canada-tried its best to cheer it up, but it was no use. In these cold and lonely months, the North realized it needed the South back. They were the perfect pair, and neither could live without the other.

But no matter how much the North pleaded, the South insisted it did not want to get back together. It was clear to the North that if it really wanted the South back, it was going to have to fight for it.

Four bloody years of fighting, blood and casualties followed. The North would ask, "are you ready to get back together?" and The South would say, "not until you're ready to listen to me. And respect me. It's always about what you want. Admit it: you used me for my crops and agriculture. You don't care about me at all."

But finally, the South realized that it truly did need the North, and that while slavery was fine and dandy, it could never fill the gap in its life left by the North. They were truly made for each other.

So the North and the South got back together, on the condition that the South quit slaving. It was going to be hard to adjust to, going cold turkey after a hundred years of slave use, but at least they were together again, young and in love.